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Posts Tagged ‘self’

Meditation is a sure way to reach that sublime state but what is meditation? Meditation has different processes just as cooking has. Like cooking leads to making food  palatable and satisfies our hunger, meditation leads to stilling the mind which leads to satisfaction of our spiritual hunger. Just like we need to cook and eat food every day we need to meditate everyday too.

Meditation can simply mean intense concentration. Meditation can also mean reflection. Concentration on the divine to the exclusion of all else is naturally the path of “bhakti yoga” and this is the path that most religions of the world uphold and beckon us to follow. Perhaps it is easy for some and not so easy for others. Concentration on the path ahead, that which You have chosen to the exclusion of all else is “karma yoga” and this is the path many people follow too. “Jyana Yoga” is reflection and understanding of the knowledge that is inherent in this Universe.

Whichever path we choose in this journey, which is our life, all meditation comes to naught when we meditate with  the expectation of an outcome. If we consider the ideals of “bhakti yoga” the great saint Meera Bai comes first to mind. She steadfastly carried on in her bhakti to Lord Krishna (the divine, if you don’t like iconography) unminding of the consequences and neither expecting any fruit from that bhakti. Many great scientists follow the path of “karma yoga” they just carry on in their chosen field completely trusting the intuition they carry within. Neither do they expect success will come to them, neither do they get dettered by the obstacles that come their way. The theories they have finally propounded have changed the Universe as we know it literally. Finally a “jyana yogi” is one who reflects the universe in his own mind. Many “Jyana Yogis” abound in the world. Jesus was one of them and in India in living memory is Parmahansa Raman Maharshi. Tantra is definitely a path of “jyana yoga”.

Jyana Yoga is the process of self-inquiry that leads to the divine.  When ‘I’ go into the daily process of experiential meditation and catch my thoughts, then an automatic cleansing begins, because every thought is identified with an action. I understand this and then the thought changes into knowledge, this is a process of self-inquiry.

This process diffuses the ‘feeling’ connected to the thought and my action which otherwise might have been enacted stalls. The ‘feelings’ “I” experience might be pain, hurt, anger, fear, resentment, desire, covetous feelings, jealousy; whatever. Many feelings are very covered with reasoning and many times feel righteous and sanctimonious. My action will be hurtful talk, sarcasm shown, and impulsive action like shopping or over eating. My action is a defence mechanism to the “pain” “I” feel while experiencing these feelings; because deep inside the feeling lingers even after the action to quell the pain of that expereince has been enacted.

Once my identification with the thought is understood the ‘feeling’ disconnects and knowledge or ‘truth’ connects. This leads to a feeling of “let go” and later contentment, sometimes even though “I” have not been able to stop that action earlier. But reflecting about that “thought” and action is an experience that automatically humbles me and this leads to my connection with the divine.  Very often the reflection of my action and the thought behind it brings a powerful surge of “oneness” with the “other” on whom my action was projected. This means we can feel the other person without judging him or her and expereince what they are feeling. This is what humbles me and without a self righteous morality I can continue with my life feeling deeply connected with the other.

“Jana yoga” stills the mind by refelecting my own thoughts continously, how can a mind, full of chatter and movement reflect anything? So the mind stills to reflect.

Let me explain more easily; for instance, just plain gossip.  You think nothing of this action and slowly it becomes part of your life. You begin to ‘judge’ people unknowingly. But somewhere within you, you are carrying a burden that leads to  the compulsive action of speaking ill about another one again and again. Every time you do this you build up more anger. You also carry the hurt the other is carrying due to your unknowing action of gossip.
When ‘I’ can realise that the gossip is a projection of my anger it’s an understanding. Then ‘I’ can also realise that my ‘I’ carries a hurt inside ‘me’ for the projection of the anger to happen. Later when the hurt is questioned then ‘I’ realises its own contribution to the hurt and by this time the thought has turned to knowledge and the hurt feeling inside ‘me’ has disappeared and the action of speaking ill never happens.
This I feel is the process of self inquiry (jyana yoga) which is like a sword for me. It cuts through my thoughts and feelings and brings forth only knowledge, or truth. It opens my ‘self’ without any vulnerability because through the truth I have already accepted my ‘self’ just as it is.

This is the best I can put words to what I am experiencing through ‘self’ and many a times powerful surges of love.

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Inner Child

Today I’m penning down my thoughts. I also want to share the really beautiful experience I recently had. How I reached this state with self awareness and self enquiry.

In an experiential session with myself  I was able to visit and feel my ‘inner child’. I have this normally vulnerable time with myself following a bath. I tend to lie down and do some experiential meditation ( where the body relaxes and the senses come alive to just ‘be). Then I speak and experience within myself  all the facets of the good and evil( emotions and thoughts and actions) within me.

This is especially relevant to the constant demons within me. I experience all my weakest and most vulnerable moments and re live them. I constantly find the so called good thoughts are actually quite evil below the surface and that’s why our demons. Once I started doing this, in a way I experienced the calcinatio of the alchemical opus and it took me a long time to let the dross burn away.

Later I reversed these feelings and lead myself to experience the pure goodness within, the one that is healing and simply believes and “lets go”. Its really got nothing to do with thoughts I realised. Its not about wanting anything good to happen to another person, its not about being good with another person, its not about good  thoughts, its not about anything except pure belief in your “self” and your “soul” and that which is tied to  implicit faith….its not about wanting to do good to society and any such great and noble thoughts, these are just figments of our human existence…its about something deep within, that which is not human which has no relation to this real world which  is ONLY REAL (TRUTH) when you reach that point.

‘She’ or ‘me’ or my ‘inner child’ was sitting there, vulnerable as ever and when I reached out and touched her and re assured her, it was the most incredible experience of my life. “I” became the observer of “me”. Its not my heart, its not my soul, its something beyond.

Now that I am back to living an every day life, I wonder who touched her, the ‘me’ inside… all along I felt bound by Eric Berne’s theory of the transactional analysis and the parent child adult specs… so I kept telling myself that it was the parent, specially the critical parent that drives the demons within us and it was my parent that reached out and touched her, my inner child. Also many other forms of logical analysis assailed my senses, as I could not quite accept this.

As I went in deeper I finally realised that it was Grace that touched her, my inner child, it was only Grace that could give my inner child the love it needed, the faith it needed, the re assurance that it felt and the exhilaration. Somewhere my fear seems to have vanished! It is truly wonderful feeling loved like this.

The fear I feel now is much more rational, just on the surface and very practical… like how much money I have in the bank, how much is required for any task set up. How much work is required for any incomplete taks, will I finish it? .Etc etc…. the unknown fears which manifest to us in various other ways constantly, especially through our body mind combination seem to have been off-loaded from ‘me’ my inner child.

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