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Posts Tagged ‘beliefs’

We have become so technologically advanced today that we easily communicate and commune with each other across times zones and oceans and that too live! Unfortunately many of us have lost true communication with ourselves. We have forgotten what it is like to simply commune with nature and we have lost touch with our own individual instinct. We have learnt to make that little voice in our head mimic everyone else and their opinions and expectations, and in this process we have lost our real “little voice”.
Hypnotherapy is a sure fire way of getting in touch with yourself, the real you and your own “little voice”. This will help you to deal with the reality of life around you and many times we know very instinctually exactly how to heal what ails us. This is the so called magic of hypnosis or hypnotherapy.
Factually speaking there is no magic, it’s just You communing with Yourself, with a hypnotherapist holding your hand, because you have seemingly lost yourself and need a professional guide to find that lost destination “Yourself”.

Under hypnosis, you are totally aware of your surroundings and completely in control. The difference is that you are now in a totally relaxed mental and physical posture that your hypnotherapist guides you into. Under these very specially relaxed conditions or hypnosis, all your thoughts, reactions and memories are in a continuous flow and you begin to change your perceptions towards the very same same thoughts and memories that have bogged you down. Slowly but surely, with a skilled hypnotherapist your mind set becomes more positive.
Let me give you a simple example. As a normal person you know (have learnt) that a fresh chilly is hot. So when you pick up a chilly you will fear it and handle it carefully, and almost always not bite it directly. Syour reaction to a chilly is fearful. You will automatically turn away from it even though I place a very mild chilly for you to bite. The same happens with life- learnt events. We react with old taught/learnt memory towards new happenings in our life. The event that we are currently facing is not the same as the event we faced before, but we will react to our present event with the memory of the lessons learnt from the past event we faced. This is also why past life can be visited to feel and understand memories that make us react a certain way towards present events.
Going back to the chilly memory, under hypnosis, the memory does not change but the reaction does. This is because you are in a completely relaxed mental and physical posture. Your trust level is high and under Hypnosis the amygdala in our brain, which stores our ‘flight or fight’ response based on memory, is shut off. In all probability when you come out of hypnosis your reaction to that fiery chilly has changed. You will certainly have an instinctual response of the “heat” of the chilly, but you will also be able to see the attractive colour of a chilly, its spice properties and how it can enhance your cooking .
You have more positive reactions to that same chilly with an understanding of its nature.
Now this is a major change of perception and can happen very fast with many of our stored memories that we have of this life and perhaps in lives before. As a therapist I help you and guide you through this maze of memories and help you to see the positive and colourful aspects of the most vicious memories that your mind and body might have stored and is currently reacting to.
The reactions may be in the form of physical illnesses, habits, addictions, allergies and much more.

As I said before, there is no magic in hypnosis just true understanding of what is actually happening around you and your reactions and how you deal with life situations. You are taking small steps with the hypnotherapist in helping yourself. You are making your brain and mind work with your body.
Hypnosis could be called the art of using your own mind to strengthen your own body, mind and soul. It feels like magic, because we have lost that infinite resource that we have within ourselves, and when we get in touch with it, a sort of real magic, if that is possible, happens.

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An emotional beggar is one, who begs for “attention”.  He is not able to define himself as a person; he is like a homeless soul, always searching for another soul imagining that another soul will be his succor to becoming a whole person

Sometimes the fear of the emotional beggar is so high he believes that he will just disappear if he doesn’t have another person for constant support. He hates himself and the other for this situation.

He is thus caught in a paradox situation. His begging bowl fulfills his emotional security, but he craves the independence of standing on his own emotional feet without the bowl.

He craves attention or sympathy constantly to fill his bowl. What he does not recognize is sympathy or attention does not equal love. Love needs no bowl to be filled, it is just there. A person has to first start loving himself very deeply; inside out, good and bad, the evil within and the goodness outside.  Only then will his bowl fall by the wayside…  It sounds very simple but this is the toughest part for an emotional beggar to come to terms with. We have to recognize and understand that we all have similar emotional attributes, just like we all have 2 hands , 2 legs, 1 nose, 2 eyes and so on and so forth.

Our emotional makeup is all the same. We all have a dose of good and a dose of bad within us. It is society that defines the good and the bad. The more we try and define ourselves the more we tie ourselves in knots. Loving ourselves just the way we are, is what makes an essential difference to ourselves. Acceptance of this in a wholesome way is true bliss.

Understanding and admitting the evil within is the most difficult part. We believe that a person should only be good… that’s like expecting a person to be born with just a body and a mind, no soul.

All souls are inherently good and bad, we like to recognize them as black and white, never understanding that they are all made up of myriad colours, and as we spin this wheel of colours it will always appear white and pure.

The emotional beggar needs to understand that attention, and sympathy and what he falsely recognizes as love cannot come from emotional begging. Rather than begging he needs to develop the strength in himself and recognize his own colourful soul.

He can start this by coming to terms with the evil within, hidden in many deep layers of fancy clothing, like false pride and hypocrisy. He needs to embrace his goodness too and accept himself as a whole… We think of ourselves as “unique” but we are not, we are just as equal as the person beside us. He has no less and we have no less or more of emotional anguish. It all equals when the spin-wheel is spinning. It is white, pure and reality. We can love ourselves.

Love is strength; strength to accept the spin-wheel. When we have accepted all those colours ((emotions)) of anger love hate and joy; all those actions of good, evil, selfish and loving; when we ASSIMILATE these into our very being ((our souls)) then we stop spinning, we are all white, pure and love radiates from us; we become grounded.

The emotional beggar ceases to exist.

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Anger…….

What does the word ‘anger’ conjure up? To most it is a wild dark and uncontrollable picture.

We do not like to face this picture for ‘fear’ of what it will unearth.

So are the words ‘anger’ and ‘fear’ both negative words which we do not want to face?

Anger and fear are both primary emotions like love and joy. We are made up of these primary emotions just as surely as we have physical features. Unfortunately for many years we have been subconsciously trained not to accept either emotion. Since these are primary emotions they are not emotions with which we can reason.

When we experience ‘fear’ our instinctive response is ‘flight’ or ‘fight’. These defense mechanisms help us to survive.

When we experience ‘anger’ we also feel pain. It is a pain which is felt at a very very deep subconscious level and it remains within us because we do not know how to express our anger and exhaust it.

Most of us respond to anger with a ‘fight’ response. If we dig deeper into this response, we realize what has really happened is that our true response to anger has been sidelined. We begin to ‘fear’ our own anger because society has conditioned us to do so. The instinctive response to fear is also the ‘fight’ response. By lashing out at someone or ‘revenge thoughts’ all we do is acknowledge our fear of anger. This leads to further frustration within ourselves and we get caught in the same vicious cycle of anger without really dealing with it.

How does one deal with anger? Anger is a sort of an unadulterated rage at our helplessness at being unable to deal with a situation. Many of us are in a state of ‘passive anger’ where the feeling of anger is masked by an unseemly calmness at dealing with life. Underneath that calmness is a burning fury of anger.

The first step to dealing with anger is to acknowledge it. The source of that anger is what is of primary importance. The source might be very trivial and may seem unjustified from a societal point of view. What we need to correct within ourselves is that anger is right and anger leads to pain. It is the Pain that we have to deal with ourselves. Anger does not mean giving pain to somebody else.

How does one acknowledge anger? This is a difficult question because anger surfaces at the smallest of pretext. Sometimes there is no pretext and there is just anger. Once we start recognizing that anger exists within us and is part and parcel of us, our mental make-up and all that we stand for then it becomes easier for us to acknowledge anger. The more we push anger away the more it turns to fear and the more is our ‘fight’ or ‘flight’ (passive aggressive) response.

Let’s look at anger visually from the moment of birth. A baby is born and cries. The primary emotion is ‘fear’ and ‘anger’ at being thrust out of the warm womb, though this is an act of nature. The baby acknowledges fear by flaying its arms and legs wildly but it doesn’t get anywhere. Then the baby acknowledges the anger by crying loudly. Why does the baby cry? The baby understands the pain coming from the anger and reacts with grief. The baby feels the helplessness of being thrust from its cosy womb by an act of nature. The baby instinctively understands that anger comes from its helplessness. The baby is in touch with both these emotions. Later the baby is held and fed. It feels joy and contentment when it is fed and love and happiness when it is held. As we grow up all these emotions mature and evolve just like our physical features do.

Normal homes encourage the ‘love’ and ‘joy’ process of evolution but deny the ‘anger’ fear’ process of evolution. We have left evolving and maturing these emotions far far behind. Suddenly one day we wake up and find that many things in life cannot be handled. That is because 50% of our emotional makeup has been left at the baby stage!!

How do we start acknowledging the 50% of ourselves that we have left behind?

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As a child I build my sand castle lovingly, every stroke, every gentle pat reinforces my own belief.

My belief in myself, my strength, my creativity and my capabilities. These are mine to prove.

Then the tide comes in and washes my castle away, I cry unending in the warm arms of my mother.

She re-assures me, it was beautiful and I only have to build it again. How difficult is that?

Choose another place; one that is further away from the tide line and you will enjoy it longer is the wise diktat.

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So I start building my sand castle again.

My enthusiasm, my youth, my optimism and once again its all about a reinforcement of myself:

My strength, my creativity and capabilities are once more mine to prove.

I move ahead with full plans.

This time as I build my castle I know more and I am more careful, I have studied the tide line. I have taken into account different probabilities and I feel invincible.

But…

Seasons change and the tide line changes. My sand castle is washed away once again.

This time there is only (myself) I to rely on, no place to cry and no arms for re-assurance.

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Now my maturity is only tinged with enthusiasm.

My creativity, my strength and capabilities are floundering. The weight of “what if” is slowing my progress.

Yet an inner voice tells me, ” Build, there’s no better time than now.”

I build, pulling every last ounce of reserves together.

Finally I am the queen of my castle  which stands magnificently by the shore.

But….

I do not enjoy the sunset any more. I do not wait for the sunrise either, all I do is watch the horizon for changes in the tide.

I am the prisoner of my castle now.

Alas there comes an unprecedented storm, the tsunami and my castle is blown to smithereens.

I break down. An empty shell with no tears left.

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I recover slowly feeling healed as I lick my wounds.

I come back with renewed strength. My sand castle has to built away from the sea. That’s all there is to it.

Maybe my enthusiasm is less, maybe the time is not right but the sand just keeps slipping.

It will not build, not as I want it, I need the wet sand for its magnificent completion.

Unknowing I sink into that sand by the beach; I let the sea wash my feet.

I cannot predict the tide line or the changes of seasons. They all have their nuances and nature’s quirks.

The horizon looks different with every sunrise and every sunset. I begin to revel in daily changes.

Sometimes the castle stands, sometimes it is washed away.I build and re-build with an unending enthusiasm.

I feel re-assured by nature itself; that the tide will wash it away to leave me another clean bank to create on.

It’s a mid-life awakening.

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My Reality:

Yes, I do realise that this jargon applied to the mechanics of a real life is perhaps too stark.

Does it really help me to earn that coveted lifestyle?

No it doesn’t.  My reality is not that coveted lifestyle but it certainly is the action of getting there.

My happiness and joy are several notches higher since I stopped trying to keep the castle intact or in reality terms trying to predict the outcome of every action or project that I undertake.

In a way I am exactly where I want to be without the pain of trying to be there!

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