Some research as I write my stories:
A man or woman who is unhappily married may use an affair as the way to leave the marriage.
Though afraid of their spouse’s anger over the affair , they are mortified of the conflict of trying to fix problems within the marriage, the affair provides the reason for the marriage to end.
A spouse who has an exit affair may have been faithful throughout the marriage until being emotionally ready to leave the marriage. It is not difficult to find someone to have an affair with and the dynamics of the affair itself will provide the support the exiting spouse needs to pull away from the marriage.
As the affair progresses the adulterous spouse may even feel that their affair partner is their “one true love” or their “soul mate” and this gives them even more reason to want out of their marriage. Unable to directly confront their spouse, they let evidence of the affair act as the catalyst to divorce.
Small but deliberate clues are left around. Perhaps phonecalls are answered in the presence of the spouse.
Divorcing the Betrayer
If the dynamics of the exit affair go as planned, the betrayed spouse will initiate a divorce and both betrayed and betrayer will focus on the divorce process, ignoring fatal flaws within the marriage. It may take years for the pain of the betrayal and the damage of the divorce itself to subside so that the betrayed spouse can analyze the marriage and determine the real reasons it failed.
If the exit affair partners continue their relationship that relationship, or subsequent marriage, may eventually end due to the same type of issues that ended the prior marriage.
In an exit affair the betrayed spouse may direct their anger at the other person in the affair instead of focusing on the adulterous spouse and the issues that brought the marriage to its end. The other person becomes the reason the marriage ended, whether or not he or she initiated the affair.
The exit affair provides the means to an end. It is the excuse for a marriage ending, but not the real reason the marriage comes to such a painful end.
Looks like you are a real pro. Did you study about the topic? haha
Yes I am a professional counselor.
The topic is not so unique as to require much study.
We do many case studies and this is one of them.
What about a spouse who resists temptation, stays in the marriage, but feels no attraction for spouse? Is the marriage destined for failure without that intimate bond?
The marriage lacks a component of physical attraction, but many marriages do survive in spite. The survival of such a marriage is dependent on the maturity of the couple involved and if they are not playing games with each other and are not in the classic “victim” “persecutor”position then the marriage does survive.
Its like a disability; many of us live a very full life in spite of having a physical disability. Its what we choose to think, “feeling sorry for ourselves” as victims, “anger at the world” God/world becomes your prosecutor or moving ahead, accepting the disability and yet enjoying what life still has to offer.
Thank you…that is very helpful.